It has been about a year and a half since my Grandma passed away. It tore me apart, and still hurts to this day, but it has gotten easier to deal with. However, there is now a new challenge that we have been facing for the past year. My other grandma, on my dad's side was diagnosed with cancer again. She had lung cancer about ten years ago, but last summer she was diagnosed with cancer that had attached itself to her chest wall. She went through months of treatment, radiation and chemo, and in October the doctors announced that all her scans were clear, but never said that she was cancer free. Now we know why. She is back in the hospital and they suspect that the cancer is back. This time however, I am five hours away, out of state, with no family around for support. I am scared. I am terrified. I don't know what will happen and at this point I can't do anything. I have obligations here and at the moment I can't just pack up and drive home to see how everything is going. It isn't realistic. We don't know how bad it is. If anyone does they at least haven't told me. And I mean I get it, you don't tell the college student who is 300 miles away that she is dying. I don't have the money or the chance to come home right now. But I need to know. I have to know what is happening. I'm scared that she is going to die while I am here. Realistically I know that there is a high chance that it will happen but I am not ready for it. You can never be ready to lose a loved one. It hurts so bad and I just don't even know what to think. I just need to put thoughts out there. Keep my brain moving. I don't want to focus on anything. I don't want to think about anything, yet this is all I can think about.